


you were only waiting

by carissima



Series: Ziam Kinks [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Daddy Kink, Held Down, M/M, Porn Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 14:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2028123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carissima/pseuds/carissima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Zayn realises that there might actually be something a bit wrong with him is when he's half-asleep, watching Niall and Liam wrestle half-heartedly on the tour bus floor and he's half-hard. </p><p>Or Zayn learns that he likes being pinned down, and he maybe wants to call Liam daddy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were only waiting

**Author's Note:**

> Um, so this happened? I blame Hela entirely for this. If there's anything you need me to tag for and I've forgotten it, please let me know!

Zayn's too busy watching Niall as he does a funny little dance across the stage to realise that he's missed his cue. Liam nudges him hard with his elbow and Zayn has to plant his feet quickly to avoid falling over, but he grabs his microphone and slides effortlessly into the gap, looking out into the crowd with a slightly embarrassed, bashful smile.

When his verse ends, he turns to Liam and mouths 'sorry'. Liam just shrugs it off and grins at him while he harmonises under Louis, making it all seem effortless and easy in a way that Zayn never quite manages. He shakes his head, never failing to be slightly overwhelmed by Liam when they're onstage, and turns back to the crowd as he joins in on the chorus.

He doesn't even realise that he's rubbing his hand over his hip until they're moving into position for the next song and Liam appears next to him, his arm circling his waist as he frowns at him.

"Did I hurt you?" he asks with a frown. His hand is already slipping over Zayn's, massaging his side carefully.

"Course not," Zayn says, pulling his hand away and leaning into Liam's touch. "Barely touched me, mate."

Liam's hand doesn't move away though, his hand slipping just under Zayn's shirt to his too-warm skin, fingertips pressing down gently like Liam's searching for bruises or marks.

Zayn lets him of course, it's an old habit from the early days when Liam would always worry about hurting one of the boys when they messed around, rolling on the floor or shoving at each other. "See?" he says softly when Liam finally pulls away, seemingly satisfied.

Liam nods as he moves away, and Zayn shivers as the cool evening breeze sweeps past them. He watches Liam move quickly across the stage, his hand resting over his hip as his fingertips dig in gently. He breathes in slowly before he feels steadier and heads down to the walkway, microphone raised as he comes in on cue.

*

It's mid-afternoon on their day off and Niall talks him into a game of football that he really doesn't want to play. But Liam and Louis are playing too and Harry's kind of refereeing, although he's mostly cheerleading whoever has the ball. Zayn lets Louis carry their team, but he does run around a bit to stop Louis shouting at him.

"Malik!" Louis yells and Zayn actually panics for a second when he sees the ball flying towards him. He manages to somehow bring it down before he just stands there, ball at his feet, as Liam runs towards him. He's laughing, probably _at_ him, Zayn grumbles silently, but he moves, trying to ignore Louis screaming at him because Louis is always ridiculously competitive even when they're having a kick about, which is one of the many, many reasons why Zayn hates playing football.

He kicks the ball a bit wildly, somewhere in the direction of Louis and just seconds before Liam barrels into him, laughing as his hands wrap around Zayn's waist and they tumble to the grass. Liam twists so he lands underneath Zayn, cushioning his fall but his fingers dig into Zayn's waist, hard enough to make Zayn wince as he lands heavily on top of Liam, knocking the wind out of both of them.

"Sorry," Liam gasps, his hands gentling as Zayn drags in a sharp breath.

"Shut up," Zayn mumbles, his own grip tightening on Liam's arms. He's resting on Liam's chest and there's vague noise in the background that suggests someone scored, but Zayn feels oddly relaxed, sprawled over Liam, both of them a bit sweaty and still trying to catch their breath.

"Oi you two, are we playing or what?" Louis yells. Zayn looks up to see him jogging towards them, but he's too comfortable to think about getting up.

"Game's over," Zayn mumbles, closing his eyes and shifting until he can feel Liam's heartbeat steady beneath him. "You win, mate."

"No thanks to you, you lazy bastard," Louis mutters. "C'mon Niall, let's go steal Harry's hat, yeah?"

There's blessed silence for a moment before Liam's hands settle back on his waist. "Alright?" Liam asks carefully.

"M'not gonna break," Zayn mumbles, wondering if it'd be rude to just fall asleep right here, in the middle of a field, on his bandmate and best mate. He's done worse, he thinks sleepily. "Tougher than I look, mate."

Liam's fingers tighten slightly around his waist, brushing over the bruise he left there the day before at the concert and Zayn's too tired and comfortable to care much about the low whimper he makes, right before he drifts off to sleep.

*

That night, when he's alone in his bunk while Harry and Niall are on the other bus and he can hear Liam and Louis snickering at whatever movie they're watching in the next room, he curls onto his side and lazily shoves a hand down his shorts as he pulls up his favourite porn website. He's not even really thinking about it, but they've all learnt to take their moments when they can get them and it's more habit than anything.

He strokes himself for a few minutes, but the best he can manage is a semi. He flicks through his favourites, but nothing's really working for him. His hand still moving slowly on his dick, he scrolls through what's popular before something catches his eye. The title isn't even that extreme or particularly eye-catching, but his breath hitches in his chest and he has to kick the covers away because god, he's suddenly far too hot. With a shaking hand, he clicks on the link: _pinned down and fucked_.

His heart is racing already before the video starts. It's a guy, face down and naked, lying on white sheets. Zayn's dick is already throbbing in his hand and he gives himself a squeeze, a moan resting silently on his lips as he gives himself one long, hard stroke, his thumb trailing underneath and pressing down just at the right spot.

Zayn watches as a hand reaches into shot and holds the guy's hands at the base of his spine, his gaze drawn to the way the guy arches up into the touch. Another hand smoothes over the guy's arse before a lubricated finger slides into him and Zayn's hand jerks on his own dick, unable to stop his moan escaping this time. By the time the guys get down to actually fucking, Zayn's shaking and he can barely see the video because he's so fucking hot and dizzy, his hand aching with how long he's been jerking himself but he can't seem to find that final push to send him over the edge.

He's barely conscious of what he's doing, but he shifts his hand from where he's been squeezing his balls to slide over his hip, his fingers sliding over the bruises left by Liam's fingers. He whimpers, his hips rocking up into his own hand as he presses down. The dull ache makes his dick leak and he closes his eyes as he fucks up into his hand, his other hand pressing down harder onto his tender skin.

He lets out a ragged cry as he comes, still fucking into his hand, his fingers biting into his hip.

It takes him forever to come down, still a bit shaky and panting when he opens his eyes in time to catch the end of the video. He watches, lips parted, as the guys come, the camera zooming in on their faces before it pans over to the guy's bound wrists and Zayn can see the bruises blooming already.

His dick twitches again and he bites down hard on his bottom lip until he tastes blood and lets go. He closes down his laptop and shoves it away from him, his cheeks hot as he feels shame and embarrassment roll over him. Zayn yanks his shorts back up, drags the cover right up over his head and squeezes his eyes shut, his hands bunched into fists under his pillow.

*

He does his best to forget about it. He manages about two days before Liam's tickling him on the bus, making him huff out a reluctant laugh as he tries to wriggle away. When Liam's hand slips under his shirt and he feels Liam's hand brush over his spine, Zayn shivers helplessly, forgetting where he is and what they're doing as images of the video flash through his mind. He gets suddenly, embarrassingly hard and he shifts quickly, desperate to hide it from Liam because as close as they are, he's not sure even Liam will understand why he's hard from a bit of tickling. Zayn's not sure even _he_ understands it. But as he shifts, Liam's fingernails catch his skin and he feels a long sharp scratch down his back. He hisses, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he helplessly rocks his hips down and feels his dick pressing hard against his jeans.

"Shit, sorry mate," Liam says, his hands immediately lifting away from Zayn, and he feels completely disorientated for a second.

"S'alright," Zayn manages to say. He rolls out from underneath Liam and manages a quick, sharp smile before he all but runs out of the room, heading straight for the bathroom. He's got a hand down his jeans before he's even got the door shut, collapsing back against it as he shoves his jeans and boxers down and his dick springs free, slapping wetly against his belly because he's already leaking, swollen and hard. He barely gets a hand on himself, his face flaming, his eyes wet as he chokes back a sob. He's never been so fucking hard, so fast. He makes the mistake of glancing up and he catches himself in the mirror. He looks wrecked, his hair messy and his eyes damp, lips parted as he pants heavily with each stroke.

He has to close his eyes in defence, but his mind plays tricks on him, images blurring as he sees himself being pinned against a bed, his wrists red and raw as strong hands hold him down. He sees bruises blooming against his skin, a long, angry red scratch down his back. Zayn can't catch his breath, his hand moving faster as he arches his back.

Zayn comes into his fist, his other hand coming up to press against his mouth to stop himself from crying out as he shudders weakly. He barely gives himself a moment before he's tucking his dick back in his boxers and stepping over to the sink, splashing cool water on his heated face.

He can't look up, embarrassed by his complete lack of control, and when he finally leaves the bathroom, he heads straight outside for a smoke, his fingers trembling as it takes him multiple tries to light his cigarette and the first long, deep drag he takes does nothing to take the edge off his nerves.

*

The first time Zayn realises that there might actually be something a bit wrong with him is when he's half-asleep, watching Niall and Liam wrestle half-heartedly on the tour bus floor and he's half-hard. He's rolled onto his belly, which isn't the most comfortable position for him right now, but it's the best he can do. He just can't seem to take his eyes off the way Liam's got Niall trapped underneath him, both of them laughing.

When Liam's biceps flex teasingly around Niall before he lets him go, Zayn can't help the way his hips involuntarily grind down against the sofa in search of friction. It's only a slight movement but his cheeks flame and he buries his head in his arms, squeezing his eyes shut.

They're bantering quietly, giggling at each other and Zayn tries to block it out. He does pretty well, until he hears Niall yelp and he looks up just in time to see Liam grab Niall's wrists in his hand and pin them to the floor.

He has to choke back a moan, his dick suddenly achingly hard and painful as he just stares at the way Niall's pale skin turns white under Liam's grip.

God, he needs to get out of there.

Zayn stumbles to his feet and makes it to the door before he's got a hand on his dick through his jeans. The bathroom's too far, he thinks dazedly as he falls into his bunk, just about managing to draw the curtain over before he kicks his jeans off, swearing and fumbling before he drags in a ragged breath and fists his cock, already hot and heavy and throbbing in his hand.

When he closes his eyes, the arms that pin him down have familiar tattoos and he fights back a sob when he comes so fucking quickly at the thought of Liam's strong arms pushing him down against the bed. He buries his head into the pillow, and shamefacedly wonders what the hell is wrong with him.

*

He tries to keep his distance from Liam for the next few days. He's practically chain-smoking at this point, despite Paul's disapproving looks and Niall's attempts to steal his cigarettes. He goes shopping with Harry and Lou and Caroline, and he lets Niall convince him to go for a round of golf that he hates every single second of. He draws the line at football with Louis but they sneak out and wind up having lunch in some pokey little cafe where no one recognises or bothers them.

And Liam starts sending him sad, confused looks because whenever they're in the same room together, Zayn feigns sleep, or tugs one of the other boys in for cuddles when usually, Liam is his first choice.

The problem is, whenever Liam gets close enough, Zayn starts remembering how Niall's wrists looked, trapped in Liam's hand and he gets painfully hard instantly and ends up disappearing to the loos for a frantic wank, picturing Liam's hands wrapped around his own wrists and pinning him down.

It's a fucking problem and Zayn doesn't know what the hell to do about it.

His luck runs out eventually, when he finds himself waking up on the bus with Liam sitting next to him, reading a comic. He looks around sleepily, but they're on their own.

"They've gone out," Liam says quietly, and Zayn's head whips around to look at him. Liam's watching him carefully, unsmiling and looking a bit nervous. Zayn feels like punching something, possibly himself, because he fucking hates that look, and he especially hates that he's responsible for it, because it's not Liam's fault that Zayn's a fucking weirdo who likes imagining Liam manhandling him while he jerks himself off.

What he does is reach out for Liam's hand and tugs until Liam's lying down next to him. Zayn buries his head into Liam's shoulder and tries to concentrate on breathing.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Liam tells him, and he still sounds a bit unsure, so Zayn pokes his side and tangles their legs together. God, he's missed this too.

"Been right here," Zayn says, not entirely truthfully but it's better than _have you ever thought about fucking me and maybe pinning me down a bit and possibly bruising my skin while I come._

"Yeah," Liam says. "We've got the whole afternoon if you wanna do something. Like, just the two of us."

Zayn's hand tightens around Liam's bicep and he swallows thickly. "Can we just stay here?" he mumbles. He just wants to stay here and pretend that he's not awful. That he's not fucking weird. "Watch a film or something."

"Yeah," Liam says again, but he sounds relieved and Zayn squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before he lets Liam go so he can find something for them to watch. When he settles back down, he pulls Zayn up until Zayn's sprawled heavily against his side, Liam's arms locked around him while Zayn's hand falls on Liam's thigh.

When the others arrive hours later, loud and shoving at each other, Zayn's still wrapped around Liam, reluctant to let him go and Liam seems just as reluctant to be let go. When he climbs into his bunk that night, he manages to come without thinking about Liam or being held down at all.

*

Zayn's always prided himself on his self-control. Right up until the moment he goads Liam into rolling around on the floor with him after their soundcheck. Paul's just dismissed them, and Zayn's spent at least half of their time onstage staring at Liam playing with Niall and Louis while Harry's stuck to Zayn's side in an attempt to avoid crashing to the hard stage floor as Liam keeps bringing the boys down, much to their ridiculous delight.

It's just not a thing they do, him and Liam. Liam knows he doesn't much like it, the whole playfighting thing. But as soon as Paul and the boys walk offstage, Zayn slides his arm around Liam's waist and tickles him. Liam spins around, clearly expecting one of the other boys but Zayn just grins at him, his whole body thrumming as he waits expectantly.

Liam's expression is equal parts confusion and delight, but when Zayn doesn't move away, Liam dives for him, his hands easily wrapping around Zayn's waist as he brings him down.

Zayn immediately flips them, his legs locking around Liam's instinctively as Liam grabs his arms and pulls him down. Zayn's a bit breathless and giddy at the feel of Liam's hands on him and he shifts his weight, making it easy for Liam to flip them again.

They roll around for a bit, Liam letting Zayn win sometimes and Zayn making it easier for Liam to roll on top of him, his body relaxing a little more each time Liam's weight presses down on his. When Liam rolls on top of him and straddles his hips, looking flushed and excited and so adorably happy, Zayn's momentarily distracted staring at him to notice Liam's hands circling around his wrists.

It's only when he tries to lift his hands to Liam's waist to steady him that he realises Liam's got him pinned down. His heart stops for a second as Liam laughs, delighted to have bested him. He can feel his dick fattening in his jeans and he knows he should be trying to escape before Liam realises how fucking turned on he is, but he doesn't move. He flexes his hands a little, feeling Liam's grip tighten just a little and he has to bite back a whimper.

"Got ya," Liam says, his eyes bright and laughing.

God, Zayn wants to kiss him.

His hips jerk up and Zayn's face burns, but Liam thankfully mistakes it as Zayn's attempt to escape and he pulls Zayn's hands up until they're over his head and Liam's leaning down over him.

It's all too much. Zayn's vision whitens and he rolls his hips up. He struggles against Liam's grip but Liam holds him easily, laughing down at him. Zayn's dick is so fucking hard that he wants to cry, wants to beg Liam to just fucking touch him. His lips part and his head falls back against the floor, his whole body on fire and shivering all at once.

"Fuck," Zayn whispers feverishly. He's barely aware of anything but how fucking amazing this feels, to have Liam pinning him down like his fucking fantasy.

"Zayn?" Liam asks, his voice distant, sounding like it's coming from far away.

Zayn drags in a ragged breath and he lets out a helpless whine. "D-d-daddy-."

It takes a moment for him to realise that Liam's gone totally still above him and another moment to realise what the fuck has just come out of his mouth. His eyes fly open and he realises Liam's staring at him, confused and a bit dazed.

Oh god.

It's easy to roll out from underneath Liam, since his hold has gone slack and he's clearly stunned. Zayn can't look at him, can't hear anything over the loud roar of blood rushing through his ears as he races offstage, heading for the first loo he finds and locking himself in. He sinks to the floor, covering his face in his hands and lets out a rough sob. He feels the tears streaming down his face, hot with shame and humiliation and he swipes at them with his arm, even as he reaches down to unzip his jeans. He sobs as he gets a hand on his still painfully hard dick and he fists around his cock. He fucks up into his hand as he remembers Liam pinning him down and he cups his balls with his other hand, giving them a hard squeeze. He pumps his fist harder and lets out another sob as he comes messily over his hand and his jeans.

Zayn rests his head back against the toilet door, hand still on his softening dick, and doesn't bother to try and stop the tears coming this time, because he's fucked everything up and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

He's such a fucking mess and he's ruined everything with Liam, who probably won't ever look at him again, let alone talk to him, and he's still sat in a tiny loo in the middle of an arena they've got to play in less than three hours, his hand covered in come because his best mate pinned him down in a fucking playfight.

And when he thought he couldn't get any more humiliated, he goes and calls Liam daddy. _Daddy._ Zayn wonders how he's ever going to be able to leave this toilet stall when he's never been so fucking mortified in his life before. He's never going to be able to look at Liam ever again. He couldn't bear the pity or worse, the judgement. 

*

He does manage to leave the loo, after about an hour of wondering if Liam's told the rest of the lads about how Zayn nearly got off on being held down, and how he called Liam daddy, and he realises that he can't hide away forever.

Lou grabs him first, muttering about being late for hair and makeup and he's so fucking thankful for the normality of it that he presses a shy kiss against her cheek. Lou stares at him for a second, clearly bemused, but then she just sits him in the chair and talks about some new clothes Caroline wants him to try.

When she appears, brandishing a shirt he'd never normally wear in a million years, he's just so tired and worn out and _grateful_ that at least they don't know what a fucking freak he really is that he shrugs it on and barely looks in the mirror before Caroline hands him new jeans and he quietly asks for a fresh pair of boxers too that she hands to him, no questions asked.

Paul finds him when he's finally dressed and walks him to the stage and he's suddenly next to Liam. He keeps his gaze locked straight ahead, even though he can feel Liam looking at him.

Somehow they get through the show without disaster. Zayn doesn't look at Liam once, and Liam doesn't try to interact with him either. He can see the boys giving each other confused looks and at one point Niall nudges him and asks him if everything's okay. Zayn nods jerkily, and Niall just puts his arm around him. Zayn lets himself be cuddled for a minute before he pats Niall's hip and moves away, and that's that.

Thankfully they're in a hotel that night and Liam doesn't try to talk to him in the car, where Zayn sits himself between the window and Louis, and he heads straight for his room without saying a word to anyone, grateful that they've got a day off before their next concert and wondering if he can stay holed up in his hotel room for the next two days.

*

He manages to hide out all of the next day, ignoring any and all knocks on his door. He holds his breath when Liam knocks, hearing his soft _"Zayn?"_ through the door but he doesn't open it. He's not ready to deal with Liam or figure out how the fuck they move on from Zayn calling him daddy.

Fuck, he's so fucking embarrassed.

And he doesn't even know where it came from. He's called Liam daddy before of course, back when they were first put together and Liam was so serious and set on keeping them in line. It was teasing. It was fun.

What it wasn't was a low moan while Zayn was fucking harder than he thinks he's ever been in his life, while Liam pinned him down. But he's never thought about Liam like that before. Not in the many, many times he's wanked while thinking about Liam in the past few weeks. Not even when he's been at his most desperate, or when he's thought about Liam fucking him, which he can barely admit to himself even now.

He reaches for his laptop, his hands hovering hesitantly over the keyboard before he pulls up a few of his favourite porn sites. He clicks on a few links, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as the first video starts playing.

Three minutes in and Zayn's got his hand on his dick, pumping furiously as he watches a grown man on his knees, pleading for his 'daddy' to let him suck his dick. By the time he's being called a 'good boy' and 'so good for daddy', Zayn's come so hard he blacked out for a second. He watches the video all the way to the end before he starts the next one, with more grown men calling each other daddy and Zayn whimpers as he gets achingly hard again. It's horribly easy to let the word roll of his tongue while he strokes himself, whispering it over and over again before he closes his eyes and imagines that it's Liam in front of him, Liam petting his hair and calling him a good boy, Liam pinning him down and demanding that Zayn call him daddy.

It's so easy that Zayn watches four more videos and comes three more times, until his dick is sore and his face is buried in his pillow as he pushes his hips down, grinding into the mattress as he comes, tears coursing down his cheeks, shamed and totally wrecked.

*

He finally drags himself out of bed and into the shower when he knows he can't avoid the lads any more. They've got soundcheck in an hour and then a show to do, so he forces himself to go knock on Harry's door and they head down together.

"Haven't seen you around," Harry says as they step into the elevator.

Zayn shrugs as he settles back against the wall. "Wanted some space."

Harry gives him an odd look, but luckily it's not the first time he's disappeared on them. "Thing is," Harry continues, his head tilting to the side like he's considering something. "Thing is, Liam's disappeared too. Haven't seen either of you since the last show."

"Maybe he wanted some space too," Zayn says, keeping his tone even, while his heart hammers in his chest.

"Yeah," Harry says. His knee nudges against Zayn's thigh. "If you wanna talk though."

"Nothing to talk about," Zayn says as coolly as he can manage. "I'm sure Liam's fine."

Harry looks a bit doubtful, but luckily the doors open and they step out into the lobby, where the other three are waiting. Liam's staring at him, and Zayn catches his eye for a split second before he drops his gaze and moves a bit closer to Harry.

"Yeah, nothing to talk about," Harry says dryly, but his arm curls around Zayn's waist, his fingers hooking around his belt loop. "Don't stay mad at him for long, Zayn. You know he's awful when he's sad."

Zayn can't bring himself to correct Harry's assumption, that Liam's the one who's mad. Or should be, at least.

The show doesn't go badly, exactly, but it doesn't flow as easily as it usually does and Zayn knows he's to blame. He knows the lads are watching him and Liam, but he just can't pretend like everything's fine. He can't be near Liam, knowing that Liam knows his deep, dark, shameful secret.

So during a break in their songs, Zayn moves next to Louis and slides his hand over his back, bringing them close enough that he can talk without being overheard.

"Let's go out tonight, yeah?" Zayn says. "Just the two of us. Get trashed."

Louis gives him an incredulous look because Zayn _never_ instigates a night out. And he knows Louis won't let it drop, that he'll be hounded until he tells him something, but he doesn't care. He just wants to be away from Liam and he wants to stop feeling so fucking awful about the fact that he wants to call Liam daddy and have Liam push him around a little because he's fucking weird and he wants to just forget everything for a night.

"Okay," Louis says eventually. His gaze drifts over to Liam before he turns back to Zayn. "Okay. But you two are sorting this out after, okay? One night. Then you sort your shit out because it's freaking the rest of us out."

Zayn huffs out a breath. "Yeah. Yeah okay."

God he needs a drink.

*

Louis surprisingly doesn't bring up Liam once. They head out straight from the show, Niall and Harry bemoaning them going out without them even though Louis argues that they go out without him all the time. Liam stays silent and Zayn just needs to get the hell out of there.

Five shots and three beers later, Zayn's absolutely trashed, just like he wanted, and Louis' barely able to hold himself up. The music is loud so they can't really talk anyway and he goes willingly when Louis pulls him out onto the dance floor, so they're definitely pissed. They make it through a few songs before Louis falls flat on his arse and Zayn picks him up, giggling as Louis starts yelling, his face screwing up before he bursts into giggles too.

"Time to go home," Zayn yells when they're both finally upright and Louis is rubbing his arse and glaring at the floor like he's holding a personal grudge.

It's a bit of an effort, fighting their way through hot, sweaty bodies until they're outside, breathing the cool air and Zayn fumbles for a quick cigarette while they wait for their car.

"You're gonna talk to Liam then mate," Louis slurs, hanging off his shoulder and swaying a little. Zayn thinks he might be swaying a little too, but he's not entirely sure.

"Yeah," Zayn mumbles around his cigarette. "Gonna talk to Liam. Sort it out."

"He's been a right fucking twat the past two days," Louis grumbles, stealing Zayn's smoke and taking a drag before Zayn steals it back with a frown. "Won't talk to me. Hate it when he doesn't talk to me."

Zayn knows the feeling. "I'll talk to him," he promises. It's Liam, he reasons through his foggy thoughts. Liam always forgives him. Liam's his best mate. Liam's his person. "Liam'll forgive me. Won't he, Lou?"

"What?" Louis looks up, bleary-eyed and peering into the road, possibly looking for their car. "Yeah, course he will. S'Liam, yeah?"

"Yeah, s'Liam," Zayn echoes.

Louis lets out a loud yell that makes him jump before he's being pulled toward the kerb. He stamps out his cigarette quickly before he's being pushed inside, Louis landing hard on his side.

"Liam loves you," Louis mutters after a few minutes. "S'very forgiving, that boy. He's awful like that."

"Yeah," Zayn says. Except Liam's not awful. Zayn's the one that's awful. He's fucked up his friendship with Liam and the worst part is, he can't stop thinking about Liam pinning him down. He can't stop thinking about calling Liam daddy. He thought about it in the shower earlier, about being on his knees for Liam, for his daddy, fuck, and he came so hard he was shaking.

And since he's never been one to lie to himself, he knows he's going to go up to bed and wank at least once more, or maybe twice if he opens up more porn, until his dick is spent and his voice is raw from crying out Liam's name.

Louis stops him before they climb into the bus since they're travelling the next day. "Just talk to him, yeah? It's Liam. You know he's a mess when you two fall out."

"He's not the mess this time," Zayn murmurs before he drags Louis in for a one-arm cuddle. He lets go reluctantly and Louis opens the door, walking through first and leaving Zayn to follow.

They try to be quiet, although as it turns out, Niall and Harry are on the other bus. Zayn's just grabbing a glass of water when he turns to see a sleepy-looking Liam in the doorway.

"Sorry," Zayn whispers loudly. "Didn't mean to wake you."

Liam manages a smile, and Zayn feels his tummy swoop.

"God, Liam, I'm so sorry," he blurts out. He puts his glass down and stumbles towards Liam, who grabs his arms to keep him steady. "I'm so sorry. I just keep having these feelings, you know? Like when you wrestle with the lads and you grab their wrists. God Liam, do you know how fucking hot that is?"

Liam's just staring at him and Zayn needs to fill the silence. He can't bear the fucking silence between them. "And like, I looked it up. Men being held down. And I couldn't stop thinking about it when I wanked, you know? Like, you holding me down. God, you're so strong and you'd be able to hold me down and make me still, you know?"

"You ... want me to hold you down?" Liam says slowly, and Zayn nods, his mind a bit hazy but of course he wants Liam to hold him down.

"Been thinking about it for weeks," Zayn mumbles. "Fuck, Liam. You holding me down. Making me be good, you know? Making me feel good. You always make me feel so good. Want to be so good. Want you to make me good."

"You are good," Liam tells him, and his voice sounds strained. Zayn doesn't like that, so he shakes his head, frowning up at Liam.

"No, not good," he says clearly, his accent thickening as he feels himself get hard. God, he wants Liam _so_ much. "When you pinned me down, when I made you pin me down, I was so hard. I didn't know what I was doing because I wanted you so much. It just came out. Like, I'd never thought it before, but when you held me down, I called you daddy and I was so humiliated. God, I wanted to die, Liam."

"No," Liam chokes out, and Zayn feels himself being tugged forward into Liam's arms.

"Didn't think you'd ever cuddle me again," Zayn sighs, burying his face into Liam's neck and breathing in deeply. "Didn't think you'd want to be mates with me anymore. Because I'm such a fucking freak who wants to be pinned down and wants to call his best mate daddy."

"You're not a freak," Liam tells him fiercely, but he's wrong, Zayn thinks. He is a freak.

"I ran off and wanked in the loos," he says with a short, curt laugh. "That's weird, Liam. I was embarrassed and thought you'd never speak to me again, and I was in there wanking because I was so hard. When I got back to the hotel, I looked it up. The whole daddy thing."

"Yeah?" Liam says, his voice turning soft and soothing.

"Yeah," Zayn says, and he's suddenly tired. He's so fucking tired that his arms feel heavy and his body aches. "Was so hot. Grown men calling each other daddy. Being told they were good and being looked after. I'm a fucking freak because I fucking came while I watched men being petted and calling each other daddy. I came so fucking hard, Liam."

"It's okay," Liam tells him, but Zayn has to stifle a sniffle, his eyes wet as he presses his hard dick against Liam's thigh.

"I'm hard now thinking about it," Zayn mumbles because he's so tired and he could just fall asleep standing up. "Want you to look after me. Make everything quiet and calm. Make me be good."

"Zayn," Liam groans, but Zayn's almost asleep. He can feel Liam guiding him back to the bunks, and he climbs in, curling onto his side as Liam peers in.

"Don't want you to hate me because I'm such a fucking weirdo," Zayn mumbles into his pillow. His hand reaches out, and he feels Liam grab it and hold on tight. "I'm sorry, Liam. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," Liam tells him in a whisper. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Zayn mumbles an "Okay, Leeyum," before he gives in and falls asleep, still holding onto Liam's hand.

*

Zayn wakes up feeling like shit. His mouth tastes like carpet and there's a dull ache in his head. He stumbles out of bed to brush his teeth and shower, but he doesn't feel any better. Tugging on a pair of joggers and nothing else, he stumbles into the common room and finds Liam there.

His cheeks flush as he remembers, in horrible, vivid, graphic detail, everything he said last night. Oh god.

"Come here," Liam says, breaking through Zayn's acute mortification and reaches for his hand. Zayn lets himself be pulled into Liam's embrace as he tumbles them onto the sofa and Zayn's sprawled over Liam. "Feeling rough?"

"Yeah," Zayn croaks, wondering if Liam's prepared to forget the whole thing, because he'd be totally down for that. "Is Lou up?"

"I think Harry's mopping his brow or something," Liam says with a soft laugh. "You want me to mop yours?"

"Nah," Zayn says, suppressing a shiver at the thought of Liam looking after him. After what he said last night about wanting Liam to look after him. "Just cuddles. And tea. And toast."

"You're so demanding," Liam teases, and Christ Zayn wants to cry because Liam's so fucking wonderful and looking after him when he should be running away from Zayn as fast as he can. But he's not, and Zayn whines a little into his shoulder until Liam moves his hand to stroke Zayn's hair the way he likes, but only when he's hungover. "S'alright. I'll get you tea and toast in a bit. After cuddles."

Zayn likes the sound of that.

*

Two days later, they check into a hotel and Zayn heads up to his room, desperate for some personal space. He knows he's being too clingy with Liam, but he's just so relieved that everything's back to normal. He hasn't touched his dick in two days, but it's worth it so long as it doesn't get weird between him and Liam again.

But he's alone in his room and he's got a few hours and maybe it'd be okay. Maybe he can watch a bit of porn and not think about Liam.

He turns on his laptop as he strips off his shirt and kicks off his boots and socks, leaving just his joggers on. He brings up a few of his favourite videos and settles back against the bed, lube on the bedside table, and starts the video.

There's a knock at the door.

Swearing silently, Zayn hopes they just go away so he can watch some fucking weird shit and get off before he meets the guys for dinner.

"Zayn?"

Shit, it's Liam. Shutting down his laptop because he's not an idiot, Zayn shoves the lube into the top drawer before he pads over to the door. He smiles as he opens the door, his lips parted as he goes to greet Liam but Liam's got a palm flat against his chest and he's being pushed back. Liam closes the door as soon as he's inside, and Zayn finds himself pinned up against the wall, Liam's hands either side of him as he presses up against him.

Liam kisses him.

He barely has a moment to realise it, to savour the taste of Liam's lips before he pushes him away, breathing hard just from the brief touch of their lips as he stares at Liam with a pained expression.

"No," he whispers before he clears his throat and tries to speak normally. "No. You're not doing this, Liam, it's too much. It's too fucking much."

"Zayn," Liam says, his voice sounding a bit rough as he steps forward but Zayn throws up a hand and keeps him pushed back.

"You're such a good mate," Zayn says before he has to stop and take a breath. His smile is a bit lopsided, but it's a smile nonetheless. "You're not doing this, okay? You can't fix me. I know it's weird and it's fucking humiliating, but it's my problem, okay? You can't do this for me."

He drags in a shaky breath, because Liam is, god, he should have expected this. Expected Liam to fucking sacrifice himself for Zayn's weird fucking sex fantasies.

Liam pushes his hand away and steps in again, his hands circling around Zayn's wrists. He drags in another shaky breath as Liam stares at him for a moment before he gathers Zayn's hands together, trapping them with one hand. His other hand strokes Zayn's cheek, so fucking gentle, Zayn thinks in a daze, before his hand drops to Zayn's shoulder.

Then he pushes down, hard.

Zayn stumbles to his knees, his breath hitching as he feels Liam tug on his wrists. "Good boy," Liam murmurs, and god, Zayn's dick gets hard just from that. He knows his joggers are tented, and he knows Liam can see from where he's stood above him, but Liam's not letting go of his wrists. "Put your hands behind your back, Zayn."

Zayn doesn't move, not when Liam lets his wrists go, frozen as he stares up at Liam. He knows he should stop this, but god, he wants it so much. Would it be so bad to let Liam do this?

He's about to stand up, to put an end to this when Liam reaches up to pull his shirt off and Zayn finds himself staring at Liam's flat belly. His tongue flicks out almost instinctively to lick his suddenly dry lips as he drops his hands to behind his back.

When Liam shoves down his own joggers and boxers in one go, Zayn actually stops breathing for a second because Liam's semi-hard. Liam's semi-hard, with Zayn on his knees in front of him, lips parted as he stares up at Liam and tries to read his expression. Liam steps free of his clothes, completely naked as he cups Zayn's face with his hands.

"Call me daddy," Liam says gruffly.

Zayn's dick jerks almost painfully and he whimpers, his mouth suddenly dry as he stares up at Liam.

"C'mon Zayn," Liam says, still in that hoarse voice. He's staring so hard at Zayn, almost pleading him to do this. "Be a good boy for me, yeah?"

Zayn tries to speak, but god he's so hard. "Okay," he manages to say. "Okay. D-daddy." It's barely a whisper, but Liam's dick twitches in front of him and he watches in disbelief as Liam grows hard right in front of him. "Fuck."

"Again," Liam says, almost fiercely. He tilts Zayn's face up so that they're staring at each other.

"Daddy," Zayn whimpers, louder this time. "Daddy. Please. Fuck. Please daddy."

"Good boy," Liam says as he lets go of Zayn and gets a hand around himself. "You want this, yeah?"

Zayn nods, his parted lips falling wider apart. He shuffles on his knees, spreading his legs wider as heat curls in his belly and he keeps his eyes locked on Liam's.

"Okay," Liam says, like he's reassuring himself that this is okay. God, it's so okay. It's more than okay. Zayn hates the expression, but he's actually gagging for Liam's dick to slot into his mouth so he can be good for Liam. So he can make Liam come.

Liam moves forward, letting his dick smear over Zayn's lips. He's leaking, so Zayn gets a taste of him already when he licks his lips, his tongue barely brushing over Liam's tip but he hears Liam suck in a harsh breath before Liam feeds Zayn his dick.

It's hot and heavy on his tongue, and Liam smells like grapefruit and sweat, like he'd had a quick shower before coming over. Liam keeps feeding into Zayn's willing mouth until he gags, and Liam drops a hand to his jaw. "Such a good boy," Liam tells him. "You like this, yeah?"

Zayn nods. God, he loves this. He loves the feel of Liam in his mouth, his jaw already aching from lack of practice. He sucks tentatively, pleased when Liam's hand flexes against his jaw. He sucks again, his tongue moving against Liam's shaft and he gets rewarded with a low moan from Liam.

He tries to remember everything he can about the best blowjobs he's ever had, and he knows he's not going to be able to deepthroat just yet, but maybe Liam will let him practice.

The thought has him moaning around Liam's dick, his hand going to his own as he presses down hard and his eyes roll back in his head.

"Such a pretty, good boy," Liam murmurs. His hand slips into Zayn's hair almost tentatively, and Zayn tries to push into his hand to show Liam what he wants. What he's seen other men do on their knees and what's made his hand move faster on his own cock when he's imagined Liam doing it to him.

A sharp tug on his hair almost makes him come right then and there, untouched in his joggers. He whimpers around Liam's cock, sucking harder as he starts to move his head back before sliding down, pleased when he finds he can take a little more in.

Liam tugs on his hair again, pulling on it so hard that Zayn feels his eyes water. But he whimpers, over and over again until Liam's cock is slick with saliva and he almost chokes because he's so eager to make Liam feel as good as he does right now.

"God, I'm gonna come," Liam moans, pulling Zayn's hair hard enough to pull him off his dick. Zayn whines, shaking his head as he keeps his mouth open, pulling against Liam's hold to get back to his cock. "Fuck, are you sure?"

"Please daddy," Zayn begs. Liam shudders as he lets go of Zayn's hair and he dives back down, sucking long and hard and it takes barely a few seconds before Liam comes with a shaky cry and Zayn almost chokes again as Liam's come shoots into his mouth. He tries to swallow, although most of it dribbles down his chin. When Liam pulls out, soft and drained, he drops to his knees and kisses Zayn, even though he's covered in Liam's come. He kisses him softly and sweetly, licking into his mouth until their tongues are sliding together and Zayn can't stop the sob that breaks through.

"Zayn?" Liam murmurs, pulling back and checking him over. "Are you okay?"

"Daddy," Zayn sobs, his hand reaching back down to shove into his joggers and squeezing around his dick. He's babbling and he doesn't even care. "Fuck, daddy please. Please. Fuck. Fuck!"

"You want to come for daddy?" Liam whispers, and Zayn nods, falling forward to bury his head into Liam's neck, searching for something familiar to hold onto before he floats away. He needs Liam to ground him.

He's aware that Liam's pulling him to his feet and tugging his joggers down before he's being laid back on the bed. Liam spreads his legs carefully and settles between them, his fingers softly stroking Zayn's inner thighs and making him cry out.

"Shhh, babe," Liam murmurs, "Lube?"

Zayn manages to open his eyes long enough to stare down at Liam, who just smiles back at him. "Got to look after my baby, yeah?"

Zayn lets out a shaky moan before he scrambles for the top drawer, dragging out the lube while Liam fumbles for his joggers on the floor, pulling out a strip of condoms.

"Yeah?" Zayn asks desperately. "Are you sure?"

"Shh," Liam whispers, taking the bottle from him and slicking up his fingers. "Gonna look after you, okay? Make you feel good."

Zayn relaxes back, spreading his legs and shift his hips up. He's never done this before but he trusts Liam. He trusts Liam to look after him.

Liam presses in carefully with one finger, his other hand reaching for Zayn's cock and stroking gently as Zayn tries to breath. It's too much, he thinks desperately. It's too much and not enough and he can feel his orgasm nearing, but it's too soon.

"Just gonna take the edge off," Liam tells him, like he understands, and maybe he does, Zayn thinks blindly.

He comes with a soft cry, white stripes landing on his belly and over his chest. It's messy and sticky but Liam doesn't seem to mind, barely breaking his rhythm as he slides a second finger in. It's a lot and Zayn tries to breathe through it, his orgasm still rippling through his body as his dick twitches helplessly.

"Look at you," Liam says, sounding the tiniest bit smug, pressing a kiss against Zayn's thigh. "Trying so hard to be good for me."

"Liam," Zayn whines, pressing down against Liam's hand. "Fuck, you're so good at that."

"S'not my first time," Liam says with a flush, working in his third finger. "Like, it is with you. With a boy, I mean."

Zayn blinks down at him before he huffs out a laugh. "Fuck," he echoes again.

"How does it feel?" Liam asks, carefully sliding his fingers down before he thrusts up hard.

"So ... good," Zayn breathes, and now his dick is definitely stirring. "Fuck, Liam. I need you to fuck me. I didn't think you'd ever ... like, I thought it was just, like ..."

"Gonna pin you down, yeah?" Liam says, smoothly covering Zayn's stuttering, stumbling words. "Like you want. Gonna make you feel good, being held down and unable to move."

"Yeah, okay," Zayn agrees, before he whines as Liam pulls out.

He watches with heavy eyes as Liam rolls on a condom and slicks himself up.

"On your back or on your knees?" Liam asks, glancing up with a shy smile. God, Zayn's so totally fucking gone for him.

"Back," Zayn whispers. He wants to see. He wants to see everything. "Please, daddy."

Liam groans at that, closing his eyes for a second before he opens them and they're so bright.

"Okay," Liam says, sliding back down between Zayn's legs. He pushes Zayn's knees up before he circles Zayn's hole with his thumb, pushing in carefully as Zayn lets out a low whine.

"Please," Zayn pleads.

He feels Liam's dick press up against him, and then suddenly he's sliding in. It's so tight, too tight Zayn thinks wildly, but Liam keeps moving, thrusting in gently until he's bottomed out. Liam's up on his elbows, but he still feels heavy, Zayn thinks through a thick fog that appears to be his brain.

"Okay?" Liam asks carefully.

"You can move," Zayn says, his voice breaking at the last.

Liam starts to move, rocking slowly until Zayn feels himself loosen up and then suddenly it starts to feel amazing. He feels so full, he realises. Full of Liam.

"Give me your hands," Liam says gruffly. Zayn lifts them and feels Liam push them high, right over his head, against the headboard. Zayn's mesmerised by the strength he can feel in Liam, the muscles that flex right over his head, pinning his hands down. He tries to move, just experimentally but Liam's got a good grip and keeps him in place.

"God," Zayn cries out, rocking his hips down to meet Liam halfway.

"Yeah?" Liam asks, sounding breathless as he thrusts up. "Like this?"

"Yeah," Zayn whimpers, staring up at Liam hovering over him, the strain etched into his face. "God, this is so much, Liam."

"Not too much though," Liam says fiercely. "Put your hand on your dick, babe. Get yourself off, yeah?"

Zayn reaches down to get his hand around his cock, jerking in mismatched strokes to Liam's thrusts. He wants to cry like a fucking baby because it's almost too much.

"Such a good boy," Liam tells him. "Come for me, yeah?"

Zayn cries out as he comes, coating both their bellies this time as Liam fucks him through it. "Fuck, fuck," he whispers, trembling uncontrollably as white hot heat streaks through him.

"God, you look so gorgeous," Liam tells him. Zayn opens his eyes and looks up at him, his whole body feeling heavy and wonderful as Liam thrusts into him again. "So gorgeous, coming apart on my cock, babe."

"Yeah," Zayn whispers shakily. His throat feels scratchy and he leans up for a kiss. It's sloppy and messy and not much more than a press of lips and wetness, but it's enough.

"Say it," Liam says, his thrusts slowing down in a way that Zayn knows must be painful for him but god, he can feel every single movement when he does that.

"Daddy," Zayn says obediently, but his cheeks warm and his lips part as he huffs out an unsteady breath.

"Again," Liam tells him, his hand squeezing Zayn's wrists.

Zayn writhes against the sheets and his back arches up, causing him to pull against Liam's hold. Liam doesn't let him move though, and Zayn pants as he pulls harder, feeling the burn and twist of Liam's grip. "Fuck. Daddy. Fuck, I can't. Not again."

"You can babe," Liam tells him softly, which is at complete odds with the way his fingers are pressing against his wrists, and god, Zayn hopes there are bruises that he has to cover up with cuffs or long sleeves, bruises that he can look at and press down on when he's alone. "You want to be good for daddy, yeah? Come all over yourself again?"

A low-pitched whine escapes from his lips. "Yeah," he breathes, his eyes bright with need. "Okay."

Liam hums gently and Zayn shoots up to kiss him hard before he falls back against the bed.

"Ready?" Liam murmurs, a pleased smile playing on his lips.

"I love you," Zayn says in a rush, suddenly needing to say it.

Liam blinks at him slowly, a look of confusion passing through his eyes before his hips rock down hard and Zayn moans, his hand reaching down between them to fist himself. He can feel Liam pumping into him, every muscle stretching him until all he can feel is Liam surrounding him.

"Say it babe." Liam's voice sounds like it's coming from a long distance; he can barely hear it as he lets out a loud sob.

"Daddy," he whispers, sobbing until he can barely catch his breath. "Daddy," he cries out, and it's all too much. The way Liam's hand contracts around his wrists. How much Liam's stretching him, splitting him in half with every thrust. Liam's breath catching every time Zayn calls him daddy, like he likes it as much as Zayn does. His hand squeezes around his dick and he comes weakly, sobbing helplessly as Liam lets out his own cry and comes. Zayn can feel Liam throbbing inside of him and he claws desperately at Liam's back until Liam slumps down, his weight heavy and his body warm against Zayn's. They're filthy and sweaty and Zayn can't stop crying. He's sniffling when Liam finally lifts his head, his lips finding Zayn's as he kisses him carefully, like he's breakable.

When Liam pulls out slowly, Zayn feels a bit lost and a bit broken. Liam disappears into the bathroom before he reappears with a damp cloth, and Zayn has to swipe at his face some more as Liam carefully cleans him up.

It seems like forever before Liam climbs back into bed with him, pulling Zayn into his arms until they meld together in a tangled mess of limbs.

"Was that okay?" Liam asks, and Zayn hiccups as he manages to laugh and sniffle at the same time.

"Liam," Zayn groans before he kisses him fiercely, amused when he pulls back and Liam chases his lips for another. "I sobbed like a fucking baby. That's like, not a thing I do, generally."

"Oh," Liam says softly before a smile breaks out and his eyes crinkle. "Was it what you wanted though? I tried to remember everything you said, but you were drunk and slurring a bit, and mostly I was trying not to drag you to the kitchen floor and try to fuck you right there."

Zayn lets the shiver run through him before he ducks his head, embarrassed. "Liam, are you kidding? It was amazing. Better than I imagined."

Liam hums happily, his fingers tracing a lazy path down Zayn's back. Zayn feels completely at peace, quiet and happy in a way he doesn't think he's ever quite been before. Liam gave him that, he realises. Liam's given him so fucking much.

"And now I get to take care of you, yeah?" Liam asks, like this is the best bit. Like earth-shattering multiple orgasms aren't fucking incredible. Like _fucking Liam_ isn't the best thing ever and Zayn's already trying to figure out when they can do it again. Or whether Liam would be up for sneaky blowjobs or handjobs, and maybe holding Zayn down again and making him call Liam daddy.

"Yeah," is what he says though, for now. "Yeah, you can take care of me."

"Good," Liam says, and Zayn feels a kiss being pressed against his forehead. "I love you."

Zayn grins into Liam's shoulder and closes his eyes.

Fuck, yeah.


End file.
